Lost
by TacomaSquall
Summary: A reinterpretation of part of the final FMV. A glimpse at Squall's thoughts as he makes the longest walk of his life.


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Lost

by TacomaSquall

Squall Leonhart was lost. All around him, stretching as far as his pale eyes could see, was a featureless plain. There were no landmarks to mark where he was, no indication of where he had been, and no signs to tell him where he was trying to go. He knew he had to somehow find his way to the orphanage that he spent his childhood growing up in, but he had no idea of how to get there. All he had was the determination to keep on going.

After the battle against Ultimecia, Squall had found himself, somehow, transported to that instant when Ultimecia transferred her powers to Edea, the Matron of his childhood. He remembered speaking with Matron, inadvertently giving to her the knowledge of what needed to be done to stop Ultimecia at some point in the future. At her urging, he tried to find a way back to his proper time, and found himself in this featureless no-place.

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This must be the actual dimension of time. Somehow, Ellone was able to transport us through this place without our having to experience it firsthand. I wish Sis could help me get out of here…

Frustrated, he kicked his boot against the ground, scuffing up some of the pebbled rock and dust that made up the floor of this eerie desert. The cloud rose slightly, and then fell back to the ground, with a pebble skittering away from Squall. He grimaced.

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There's no help for it. I've got to keep going. I promised Rinoa.

Squall turned and started walking in the direction that the pebble had skittered away from him, his face settling into an expression of determination that his friends knew to be his usual working face.

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Time passed slowly, as Squall walked for seemed to be hours. Nothing ever seemed to change around him, as the featureless desert that surrounded him seemed to encompass the entire world, as if all the water and life had died and blown away.

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I wonder if this is how the world looks during Ultimecia's time? It could be an explanation of why she didn't seem to care that her ascension to the Mistress of All Time would kill everything.

Squall paused. His legs were starting to hurt after the hours of continued walking, and he was longing for a drink from his canteen, which had gone dry after the first hour of his trek. He knew that he would need a lot of rest to recover from this trek. He could keep going for some time yet, but he knew his endurance had a limit.

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Where is everyone? Is this my reward for caring again for people? Zell, Quistis, Selphie, Irvine – all of you have become such important friends to me over the past months. Now that we have won, do we have to go our separate ways? Do you even care that I am not with you?

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Rinoa. If it wasn't for you. I would have never found the strength to admit that I cared about my friends, much less that I loved you. Now that I have admitted that love, is your reward going to be a broken promise?

Squall gritted his teeth and kept on going.

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I will not break my promise.

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******

Pain. Squall's universe was bounded by pain on all sides. His legs were in agony, crying out against the punishment inflicted on them by his endless trek. His throat was parched, aching for the sweet touch of water. His heart was breaking under the assault of his fears that he had lied to Rinoa, abandoning her as once his mother and, then later, Ellone had abandoned him.

His vision was clouded by pain, leaving him unable to register the unchanging desert around him. He was beyond caring whether he made it anywhere, just willing himself to push further, to keep placing one foot in front of the other. Sheer mechanistic determination kept Squall going, with his spirit near the breaking point, and his will hanging in tatters.

In his pain, he began to see hallucinations. He saw the dance, the first time that he saw Rinoa. He remembered how awkward he felt when she approached him and cajoled him onto the dance floor and into a battle for his heart that he eventually lost. He saw the botched assassination attempt in Deling City, and became one with the bullet fired by Irvine at Edea, feeling bitter failure as he was halted by the force of her magic. He saw Seifer, smiling that mocking smile that hinted that he knew the rules to the universe.

Most disconcertingly, he saw Rinoa, standing alone, in the field outside the orphanage. It was overcast, with dark storm clouds ominous overhead. She looked right at him and didn't see him. He shouted at her, tried to draw her attention, but she paid no heed to him. He screamed in frustration, and the image vanished.

Clutching his head in agony, his eyes were bombarded with images. Seifer standing outside, waiting for him to attack. Edea during the parade in Galbadia. Rinoa smiling at him. The seagulls, as seen from Balamb Garden one morning not too long ago. The Deling Arch. Ultimecia. The huge robotic spider from Dollet. The Succession of Witches. Fighting a Galbadia-Garden paratrooper. The flash of Seifer's blade as it swooped downwards to forever scar his face. And, throughout, Rinoa dancing with him, swaying to the music, smiling, carefree.

It was too much for Squall's beleaguered mind. He screamed, and in his mind's eye, he watched as Rinoa's space suit helmet shattered into a thousand shards.

Squall collapsed to the ground in defeat.

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Rinoa… I'm sorry that I lied.

Squall knew no more.

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FIN


End file.
